What You Can’t Have
I ended up riding in the asshole’s car. He was relentless! He wouldn’t stop bugging me until I said yes so I just did.
And now I was suffering the repercussion of my stupid decisions.
“So that’s the reason why I’m here. Life sucks, huh?” he said.
I reached for the stereo and turned the volume into full blast. I just waited for him to stop talking before I drowned the car in songs. I wasn’t that ill mannered to just cut him off when he’s obviously having fun talking about his life.
And what kind of person tells someone whom he just met about everything in his life? Only this guy.
He just shook his head and laughed at me while I was turning the volume up.
The whole ride almost killed me! When he figured he couldn’t annoy me with his unsolicited tales about his life, he stepped on the gas and drove so fast that I thought I was going to die!
“You freak! Slow down!” I shouted at him. We were still a bit far from the city and there were no cars near us so he must have thought how fun it would be to race against himself!
He laughed. “Scared?” he said in between laughter.
“You’re going to kill us both!” I said as I was holding on to the seatbelt—as if that would save me when we crashed against something.
“Come on! Loosen up a bit!”
“You’re a freak!”
“At least I’m not uptight!”
I closed my eyes as I feared for my life but even with my eyes closed, I could still his laughter. He was enjoying this way too much! Maybe he gets off seeing people almost peeing in their pants because of fear! This sadistic asshole!
Praying internally, he finally slowed down. I opened my eyes and saw a sign saying that we were approaching the city. God, I was safe! My hands were grasping tightly on the seatbelt so when I removed them, I was slightly trembling. I was really scared.
“See? You didn’t die, did you?” he said.
“I almost had a heart attack!” I hissed to which he replied with a laugh.
“Almost,” he replied. “You’re still alive.”
I was fighting the urge to strangle him, throw him out of pickup, and to drive away from this freak. He was just so annoying. Though I just met him, it seemed like he knew which buttons to push.
“Where are you going, anyway?”
“Grocery,” I replied.
He nodded and then drove silently. If only he could be this quiet, then I wouldn’t have these murderous thoughts against him. I have met many people from all walks of life but none annoyed me so much that I had these morbid thoughts. Only him. Only this sadistic asshole.
We stopped in front of a grocery store. Good thing he didn’t stop in front of the usual grocery store the maids go to. I wouldn’t want them telling Adam that they saw me. I still needed my away time from him.
And I think it was doing me good. I mean, I hadn’t thought about him for hours already. It was a good thing, right? Instead of sulking and thinking about him and his ex, I was thinking about other things…
It was an improvement, nonetheless.
I hopped off the car.
“Thanks for the ride,” I said to him. I hated the things he did but I knew how to be grateful. Though he almost killed me with his driving, I was thankful that he drove me here. If not for him, I would’ve starved.
His brows were cocked. “You’re not gonna ride back?”
“I’ll get Uber or something.”
“And here was I, thinking we’re already friends,” he said with what I assumed was a pout. “I sang for you, lady!” he whined like a child.
“I didn’t ask you to sing,” I replied with a frown when I remembered how he murdered one of the songs. He was way out of tune!
“But I was entertaining, wasn’t I?” He grinned.
“You’re hopeless.” I shook my head.
But he didn’t seem to notice—or maybe he chose to ignore my reaction. “I’ll just get something and then I’ll pick you up in an hour.”
My protest wasn’t heard because he rolled the windows up and then began driving away. I knew him for hours only but he sure knew the way to make it to my most annoying people list.
Good thing I was wearing my hoodie because it was cold earlier. I pulled my hoodie up and went inside. There’s no harm in being careful. Though I wasn’t really from Seattle and I didn’t have much friends here, I couldn’t deny that this was Adam’s turf. And being that I was his wife, there’s still a chance that people might recognize me. And I didn’t need that trouble.
I went inside and grabbed a basket. I didn’t know exactly for how long will I continue this hiding from Adam thing. When I decided to leave the house, I was thinking that I just wanted to get away from him. I was really pissed that moment. But now, I kinda missed him already…
Trying to get these thoughts out of my head, I dumped whatever my eyes fancied inside the basket. From the rate I was going, it seemed like I was gonna stay in hiding for at least two weeks. But I thought it was better than to not have no food.
I also bought charger and before I knew it, I was done shopping. I was putting the grocery bags inside a pushcart when somebody got the bag from my hand.
“See? I can be a gentleman.” He put all the bags in the pushcart. “You’re gonna eat all of these?”
“Yeah. Got a problem with that?”
“You’re still pissed at me?” he asked with that annoying puppy face.
“How old are you?” I asked because he was acting like some teenager! I bet he’s older than me!
He gave me a teasing smile and I wanted to wipe it off his face. “You interested?” I raised my hand because I wanted to slap the back of his head. “Whoa, chill! We don’t have to get physical here.”
“We don’t have to if only you’d stop being annoying!”
“Well, I’ve been told that I’m endearing but I’d accept that compliment,” he replied and then opened the door at the backseat and put the grocery bags there.
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
He winked at me. “I know.” I just grunted because he’s just hopeless. I hopped inside and he started the ignition. On the way back, he kept on talking about his sister and how she was driving him insane. I tried to keep a passive face but sometimes, he was just too funny that I had to bite my lips to keep myself from smiling.
He talked about everything. His sister, his mom, London (because apparently he was from there and he just transferred here for work), and everything under the sun.
“You know, for a guy, you do talk a lot.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
I shrugged. I didn’t know how to answer his questions. I was just used to males who were quiet. My dad was quiet, Adam was quiet, and most guys I knew didn’t talk much around me because apparently, I intimidate them. So yeah, this loquacious guy was throwing me off my usual game.
“Well, I’d tell you the reason why I talk a lot but I also do know that there’s such a thing as too much information,” he said with a smile and for a moment, I saw something different.
We remained quiet for the remaining of the ride and when he pulled over, he helped me get the bags off his pickup.
“Thank you,” I said.
“No problem,” he replied. “I’d volunteer to help you get these bags inside but I know you wouldn’t want me stepping inside your house.”
I bit my lip and sighed. “Sorry if I was rude earlier. I think you’re quite a nice guy,” I said because he was kind to me this entire time. Maybe I was just rude because of all these fiasco with Adam. I wasn’t normally this hostile.
He said thanks and then we went our separate ways. Putting the grocery bags on the table, I went and charged my phone and once it opened, text messages began flooding.
Bree, where are you?
Babe, you’re making me worried.
Sabrina Johnson-Walton! God, just one text to tell me you’re safe. You’re making me worried!
My phone almost lagged with all the messages Adam sent me. There were also a few from Maya. She’s telling me to text Adam because he’s driving her insane already.
Bree, just tell your husband that u r OK. I know u r just away thinking and I’m not worried because I know u r a big girl already and you need that time. But pls tell Adam to quit harassing me because I legit dont know where you are. OK? Take care wherever u are.
I took a deep breath. My fingers were trembling and my heart was beginning to beat fast. I wanted to call Adam. I wanted to hear his voice…
“Just this one,” I whispered before I dialed his number. It was like he was waiting for my call because on the first ring, he answered already.
“God, Bree! Are you okay?” he asked, worry was laced in his voice.
I bit my lip and tried to calm my heart. Just hearing his voice was enough to make me want to come home. I wished I was with him so that I could touch his face and kiss him.
Why did we have to fight? Why did it have to go down to this?
“I’m fine,” I said.
“Thank God,” he said. “Where are you?”
I remained quiet.
“I just want to know if you’re safe, Bree… If you want more time to think, I’ll give it to you. Just please tell me where you are. It’s driving me insane.”
If I tell him where I was, would he come here and get me? I wanted him to come and get me and tell me that everything will be fine… That he wouldn’t talk to his ex anymore… But I knew it was impossible. She’s his ex. She’s from his world. It’s inevitable that they’d bump into each other and I knew I just had to suck it up.
But I couldn’t.
And that’s my problem.
“I’m okay, Adam. You don’t have to worry,” I replied.
He sighed from the other line.
“Is she okay?” I murmured. I didn’t have the heart to speak her name but I wanted to know if she was okay.
“Your ex,” I said and her name tasted like venom in my mouth.
“Yeah, she’s fine,” he responded.
“Oh.” It felt like a knife was stabbed in my chest. I was glad she was fine but somewhere inside me, I hated that Adam was worried about her. Did he go to her when I left? Did he hold her hand while she’s lying in the hospital bed? Was he there for her when I was crying because of our fight?
God! This was why I couldn’t come home just yet.
I wasn’t okay. And I didn’t think I’d ever be okay with him being friends with her.
“Bye, Adam,” I said and then ended the call without even waiting for his reply. I walked and then grabbed the bottle of wine that I bought earlier.
“Cheers to the ex girlfriends who kept on ruining marriages!” I said to myself as I downed the wine alone.