What You Can’t Have
The lady who owned the house was very accommodating. She told me that I could call her anytime in case I needed anything. She was very sweet but I was in no mood to talk to anyone. I thanked her and she excused herself. She probably sensed that I was off.
My head was aching and my heart was still beating fast inside my chest. Every time I would close my eyes, I would remember Adam. I would remember how we fought. We had been together for years but this was the worst of all our fights. I had never been insecure about his life because I was secured but lately, I was spinning out of control.
I just f ucking needed a breather.
Spending my first day away from him, I ordered all the unhealthy food I could get my hands onto. I watched lots of TV and stuffed myself with pizza. I was thinking how he’d get mad at me if he saw me doing all these things. Adam had always reminded me to eat healthy.
I was f ucking ridiculous because even when I was far away, I was still thinking about him.
Stupid, stupid Bree.
I was just so in love with him but until when was love enough? I was hurting and I would never stay in a relationship if all we ever did was hurting. I saw enough of that with my parents. I didn’t want to subject myself to that horrendous kind of life. I didn’t want to stay in a marriage because it’s convenient. I want a life wherein I would look forward to waking up everyday because I loved my life… I knew I was being too ideal but was it that bad to hope? To wish for a life worth living?
The next morning, I had to hide my phone at the deepest part of the cabinet because I was tempted to call Adam. I would call him… but not now. We both needed this space. I needed to calm myself because I knew that fighting would do us no good. And I needed him to think about us, as well. I knew he loved me—I could feel it—but I also needed him to realize where I was coming from.
That I wasn’t totally irrational when I got mad at him for staying with his ex.
God, Bree! Drop it!
I went outside to take a walk. I wanted to jog because the weather was good but I didn’t exactly bring shoes with me. I felt like a rebel teenager running away from home because things didn’t go the way I planned.
As I was walking, I couldn’t help but feel sad. Adam used to walk with me. Even when he was busy, he always made sure that he had time for me.
I just finished my class for today when suddenly, someone poked me from behind. God knew how much I hated being poked so I was ready to give a piece of my mind to whoever did that.
“What the—Adam?” I asked, my forehead turned into a full crease. He was holding a coffee in his one hand and on the other, there was a piece of tulip.
“For you,” he said. “This one’s for me, though. I just finished a month’s worth of report so I need caffeine to stay awake. But if you want, I’d get you,” he continued while I was just trying to wrap my head around the idea that he was actually here.
I blinked once. Twice. I lost count how many times I blinked.
“I’m hungry. Lunch?” he asked.
But before I could answer, he already held my hand inside his and guided me inside his car.
“Why—what—why are you even here?” I asked, confused. I thought he had to spend a week in Paris because of an expansion deal so I wasn’t expecting to see him until tomorrow evening. I even restrained myself to call him because I knew how busy he could get. I didn’t want to cause any trouble.
“Didn’t you miss me?”
“Of course I do!” I answered fast and that earned me laughter from him. God, I missed those smiles, those laughs. “But why are you here? I thought you’re still in Paris?”
His smile faded but he was quick to hide whatever it was. I didn’t push him. He’d tell me if he wanted to talk. I didn’t want to invade his privacy because we’re still both entitled to one. So even though my mind was torturing me into asking him what that change in emotion was about, I constrained myself.
“I finished early.”
He nodded. And then pulled me and kissed my forehead. “And of course because I wanted to see you.” And that kiss melted whatever worry I had inside my head.
I should stop overthinking everything. I loved Adam. Adam loved me. For once in my life, I should stop worrying about everything and just enjoy this feeling.
We went to a Caribbean restaurant and ate lunch there. After that, we walked until we went inside a building. The sun was already beginning to set and I was admiring the beauty of the orange sky when I heard a noise.
“You’re leaving already?” I asked him as I watched the helicopter land.
“We’re leaving,” he answered.
“I’ll tour you around Seattle. It’s best at night,” he said and I was just too tongue-tied to even respond. “Come on. I’d seen enough of Florida. Let me show you where I live.”
His offer was tempting… and the way he was looking at me wasn’t helping.
“But I have classes tomorrow…” was my last excuse because every fiber inside my body was begging me to say yes to him.
“I’ll fly you back and will even walk you to class,” he said and then kissed my knuckles. He looked at me with those eyes and I just freaking melted. God! Adam and his ways! “Please? Please, babe?”
“You’re always playing dirty.”
“So, is that a yes?”
I rolled my eyes. “Just make sure I’d enjoy Seattle,” I said and then stood up. “And make sure I’d be able to attend to my class.”
He laughed and then stood up, too. He kissed the side of my head again and then pulled me close. “Oh, you’d enjoy it, alright.” And then he kissed the side of my lips… just enough to send my heart into an overdrive and to make me want to kiss him and ravish him right here. “And you’ll get here in time. I know how much you value your education and you know I value whatever’s important for you.”
We rode his chopper and put the headphones on. He was holding my hand the entire time. I felt so secure—like this was where I belong.
Time passed by and we got off the chopper. There was a car waiting for us and while we were being driven, he was telling me all these stories about Seattle. He sounded like he was trying to sell Seattle to me.
“Why are you so keen on making me like Seattle?” I asked him.
“Because it’s my home.”
“So what if we got married? You’d live in Florida and I’ll be in Seattle? Not that ideal situation, babe.”
He was talking like it was just an ordinary thing. He was talking about marriage like we had talked about it a million times before.
He was talking like he didn’t just almost cause me a heart attack!
My heart was racing inside my chest.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked when I wasn’t able to respond to his questions.
“Married?” I asked him, my voice lost in oblivion. My voice felt hoarse. My lips were trembling. I felt like jumping off the car.
“Yeah… That’s where we’re heading, right?”
“But we haven’t even said I love you yet…”
He cursed under his breath.
“F uck. Really?”
I was sure I looked confused. I knew we hadn’t said those words because if we did, I was sure I would never forget that!
“Sabrina Johnson, I love you. I love you,” he said while looking at my eyes. “F uck. I really thought I said that to you already. Maybe it was in my dreams.”
A smile formed on my face.
“You dream about me?”
“All the time, babe.”
I bit my lip to prevent myself from shouting. Damn this guy! He knew how to make a girl fall for him over and over again.
“What do we do in your dreams?”
He cocked his eyebrows. “Do you really want to go there?”
I slapped his arms. “Adam!”
“What? You asked me!”
I shook my head. This guy.
“But seriously, Bree, I love you. So much.”
I cupped his face and looked him in the eye. It was funny how much love you can have for one person. It was surprising how deep feelings become.
4 months ago, he was just some guy I met.
3 months ago, I finally admitted to myself that I loved him.
2 months ago, I said yes when he asked me to be his.
And now, we’re here. I knew it was fast but did time really matter when a heart felt what it longed to feel for the longest time now? I wanted this. I waited for this. I prayed for this.
And I was just excited to see what else life had planned for us.
‘That was years ago, Bree. Snap out of it,’ I told myself. People change… just like Adam and I. But I hoped that we could get pass this. We had so much in us… I didn’t want to give us up that easily.
But not now.
The sun was already beginning to blaze and I was starting to feel hungry so I went back to the house. I got the telephone and began to dial when I realized that there was no dial tone. I got my phone but the battery was already dead and I forgot to bring my charger with me.
I went outside and was pain-stricken when I saw roads leading to nowhere. There was nothing. I was so far off the civilization.
Thinking about how to feed myself, I heard someone starting a car. And true enough, a Ford pickup was getting out of a gate. I built the courage to approach whoever was the driving the car. I figured that if that person’s going to the city, I could hitch and then buy food and just take a cab back here. I knew it wasn’t the smartest decision but I was really starving… And it wasn’t like he’d kidnap me. No one here knew that I was the runaway wife of a billionaire.
So I politely waved my hand until the driver stopped.
“Hi,” I said while approaching the side of the vehicle. “Can I hitch? The telephone’s no use and I forgot to bring my—”
“Sure. Anything for a sexy lady.”
“I’m married,” I said.
“I don’t see any husband around.”
My jaw fell. Really?!
The smile from my face was wiped off. “On the second thought, I don’t need the ride anymore,” I said and then began walking away. What a jerk!
I walked away but I could feel the car following me.
“I’m sorry,” I heard the stranger’s voice said. “I was just kidding.”
I kept mum.
“I swear I’m harmless.”
Keep on walking, Bree.
“This is why you should stop joking around, Zach. Ladies think you’re a jerk. Stupid bloke,” he said. He’s mental. Why was he talking to himself?!
“Miss,” he called after me again. “Miss,” he said in a prolonged voice.
“What?!” I snapped when he kept on following me. I had been walking for 10 minutes and he had been following me for 10 minutes, too. He’s so annoying!
“Still need a ride?”
“Come on. I was just kidding. I’m harmless, swear. My parents are happily married, my sister’s happily married, and my brother’s engaged. So really, destroying someone’s marriage isn’t a part of my plans,” he said. “So, ride?”
He’s so talkative!