What You Can’t Have
My lids were about close because for the past few days, I didn’t get enough sleep. I tried sleeping but I just couldn’t because I was aware that we weren’t okay. I couldn’t pretend that I was okay. I didn’t want this to be about pretending that everything was fine when in fact, it was just the beginning of the end.
I had enough of those with my parents.
We weren’t stupid, my siblings and I. We all knew that the only reason our parents were staying together was because of us. They both didn’t want sole responsibility of raising kids so they’d rather stay in a cold and loveless marriage than to file a divorce and maybe take a chance in finding true love.
And I didn’t want that for me. Not for Adam and I.
“Babe, people are already sleeping but not you and I,” he said as his hands were finding their way towards my waist. He was gently caressing it but the feeling was electric. “Not you and I, babe,” he said and then dipped his head down and began sucking on my nipples.
The only thing I like about fighting with Adam? The make-up sex. It was a mind-blowing wild monkey sex.
When he finally got me worked up, he pulled away and stood in front of the bed. He was looking at me with such intensity that I was feeling the heat between my thighs.
God, I already want him inside me!
“One week, Bree. One fucking week,” he said as he began pulling his shirt off. He was just removing his clothes but it felt like he was giving me a strip tease. I was so hot for him that I just wanted to rip his clothes off and ride on him. And then I imagined tasting him and making him come with my tongue… just like how he did it to me.
I was so fucking turned on that every flex of his muscle, every little movement he did was making me ache with need.
And when he began pulling his pants down—very slowly—I growled and stood up and did it for him. He was laughing while I was trying my very best to remove that goddamn pants.
“In a hurry, aren’t we?” he said in between laughter but I was too busy to get him naked and in bed. And when I finally removed his pants, I found myself licking my lower lip. My heart was pounding so hard. God, it had been a week since I saw this! I held it and I heard him groan. “Shit,” he cursed under his breath.
I pushed him on the bed while my hand was still around his shaft. He was huge and every second later, it felt like it was getting bigger. The heat between my thighs was becoming more and more unbearable. I badly wanted him inside me but I wanted this to be special.
Stroking the head of his cock, I was able to feel his pre-cum.
“I’m sorry, okay?”
“You’re forgiven.” And then I earned another groan from him when I moved my hand up and down his cock. “Just don’t stop. Oh, God, don’t stop.”
His face was turning me on—so much that I felt like exploding just by looking at how much he was enjoying this. His reaction, his every moan was enough to push me to take him further. And so I did. I leaned in and felt his thickness around my mouth as I began to suck him dry. Hi hips began buckling as I rolled my tongue around him. I took him as far as I could. There was a burning sensation when he pulled my hair and I saw him watching me as I took him.
And God, it was so sexy! It was sexy how he was watching me taste every bit of him and I, seeing how crazy he was feeling because of this.
He guided my head up and down until I found him writhing inside me. I sucked all he had to offer and didn’t stop until he was done.
His breathing was deep and his eyes were close. I wiped my mouth and then slowly climbed beside him. And then he pulled me beside him and kissed the side of my head. “I fucking love you,” he said.
“I love you, too, so much.”
That night didn’t end until we were both tired and worn out. Adam didn’t stop until I was begging him to let me sleep. And because he was the first to cum, he made it his personal mission to make me cum every chance he got. It was as if he felt bad for coming first because since we began having sex, he always see to it that I got off first.
It was sweet, but sometimes, I just wanted to make him happy. He didn’t have to make me come. Seeing his face when he’s coming was enough a payment for every gagging I felt while sucking him.
The morning came and I woke up next to an empty bed. I tried standing up but I felt very sore. I didn’t know what time I was able to finally sleep but I was sure that it was already morning when we stopped.
Adam was insatiable… and I loved attending to his needs.
I was about to grab the robe to cover my naked body when I noticed a note on the table. There was also a tray full of pancakes, bacon, platter of fresh fruits, and freshly squeezed orange juice.
I love you. Eat your breakfast and go back to bed. I know you’re sore… and I am not even sorry about it. I love making you sore.
I didn’t wake you up because you looked so serene when you’re asleep. I’ll be home to you later and I’ll take you somewhere nice. For now, eat, sleep some more, and prepare because I’d take you again because you made me celibate for a week. Last night was fucking good but it wasn’t payment enough.
Will end this note with another I love you.
After finishing reading his note, I was smiling like a fool. Oh, Adam. What did I ever do to deserve him? He’s so much. And I loved every bit of him.
I followed his advice and stayed in bed after eating. Apparently, he also instructed the cook to prepare my favorite dish and to serve it in bed. He was serious about the bed rest, that one.
When afternoon rolled in, I was already feeling a bit better but the inside of my thighs still felt sore from all the pumping action it took last night. Later, I planned to take a warm and nice bath and maybe that would ease the pain. But for now, I grabbed my laptop and tried browsing the net.
I was never the one who was fond of sns but lately, I had been surprising myself. Boredom would really push you to do things you didn’t even imagine yourself doing.
I checked in on my Facebook account, pretended that I cared about the life of these people. Or maybe I did… a little. It was fun seeing them post statuses and pictures about their works. Some of my colleagues were beginning to build a name in the corporate world and I was happy for them. Surely that was also what I would have done given the chance.
But I was happy. With Adam. He was my happiness.
And then I was reminded of the result of the test! I hurriedly went to the bathroom and bathed myself. I just wore a simple white dress and paired it with one of those ridiculously expensive stilettos Adam’s personal shopper got me. I didn’t even look at the exact price when I noticed how many digits were in the tag.
I told Jess that I would go to the hospital. It was no use hiding from him because I already told Adam about it. I just asked Jess to not tell Adam yet because I planned on telling him about this later. He agreed and later on, I was already at the hospital.
“Hi,” I told the nurse. “I’m Sabrina Walton. I went here last time and I’m planning to get the results.”
The nurse told me to wait in the waiting area while she was calling Dr. Lacey, the one who attended to me the last time I was here. My heart was pumping wildly inside my chest while I was sitting there. Different possibilities swirled my mind.
What if I had a problem?
What if I couldn’t give Adam a baby?
A painful throb crossed my chest. I didn’t know how I’d survive this if something was wrong… I didn’t even want to think of what effect this might bring into my marriage. I knew Adam said that he’s okay with it… But for how long?
I knew lot of people. I knew lot of married people. Heck, when I was doing my intern in one of the firms, I had often encounter couples filing for a divorce because they couldn’t have a child. It’s a deal breaker—more so for Adam because who would inherit his legacy?
Greeting Dr. Lacey, I sat down uncomfortably while waiting for her to tell what was wrong with me. I braced myself for the different possibilities. I was preparing for the worst. I was already practicing how I would break the news to Adam…
So when she told me that I was fine, that I was healthy enough to carry a baby, a big smile broke on my face.
“So I’m fine?” she nodded. “Really?” She nodded again. She continued explaining the different ways I could do in order to speed up the process of getting pregnant and I was listening intently. I just really wanted this. Ever since I saw the kid at the mall, I couldn’t help but picture a happy family for Adam and I.
I knew we would make great parents.
With a smile on my face, I went home and waited for Adam. I asked the cook to prepare Adam’s favorite meal while I soak myself in a well-deserved bubble bath. I didn’t want to go somewhere. I wanted to stay in our house and celebrate. I already bought the prescribed drugs and some herbal tea I was supposed to drink in order to help me get pregnant.
I didn’t text him nor call him because I wanted to tell the good news personally. I knew we just fixed things up last night and we still hadn’t got the chance to properly address the issue but all was forgotten. Suddenly, I didn’t care about his ex anymore. Suddenly, I didn’t feel insecure anymore.
Because I knew that once I got pregnant, everything would be smooth again.
“Where’s Adam?” I asked his secretary—the other one, not the bitchy one. I didn’t think I had the patience to talk to her right now. I had been waiting for Adam for hours yet he still hadn’t come home!
“His last meeting ended at 7:30, Mrs. Walton. He should have been home an hour ago,” the secretary explained. “Did you already call him in his personal number, Ma’am?” he asked but I didn’t answer. I thanked him and ended the call abruptly.
I didn’t call Adam’s personal number because I was hoping he’d come home… as he promised earlier. He said we’d talk. He said we’re okay. But why was he doing this to me again?
I quickly changed into pajamas and opened the TV. My mood to celebrate vanished into thin air.
And while I was browsing the channels, one news caught my attention.
‘Lauren Du Pónt, heiress to the Du Pónt Industries, was taken to a hospital when an attempted kidnapping was held earlier. The heiress was out having dinner with her ex-beau, the already married Adam Walton—when three unknown—’
I closed the television and asked the driver to bring me to Maya’s pad. I had enough.