He Only Kinda Likes Me
“I got a question.”
I was finishing my ice cream when suddenly, Moira thought it was fun to ask me a question. Didn’t she notice that I was really annoyed today? I mean like really pissed off. I can’t even think of a day when I was pissed more than I was right now.
“Shoot,” I said. Surely there’s nothing she could say that could top my already pissed being. I was aiming for the chocolate syrup at the bottom of my cup when she decided why not ask Spencer about Adam and his lady friends.
“I really can’t understand Adam…” she said.
I scoffed. If I could understand Adam, then I wouldn’t have to subject myself under this kind of torture every single day. It was like a broken record being played over and over again, like the same old movie I keep on watching everyday. It’s like reading the same story and expecting a different ending.
I think I need a shrink. Didn’t they say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result?
“Joke’s on me, huh?” I said. “I keep on hanging out with him though I seriously don’t know exactly what we are.”
Moira threw me a pity look. I didn’t care if she thinks I was pitiful… I am pitiful. I pity myself on a regular basis. I knew what I was doing was insane. Why did I fall in love with such a guy? I mean, yeah, Adam is the guy but he keeps on hurting me. Over and over again. I was so attached to the pain that sometimes, I kind of missed it. It was screwed up, really. We’re so screwed up.
“Why can’t you just move on, Spence? Surely there’s someone better than Adam. The guy’s a player,” Moira said. “If I probably draw a vagina on a paper, he’d hit on it.”
“Don’t I know that, Moira?” I told her. “I grew up with Adam. I knew about his trysts and sexcapades but look at me—still here.”
She sighed. I sighed. We both looked at Adam who’s now eating lunch with Piper—his latest lady friend. I was betting she’d last for two weeks. She looks pretty but Adam has a lot of pretty girls around him. I didn’t know if I should consider myself lucky because he keeps me around though I am not as pretty as the girls he usually hooks up with.
But then, why wouldn’t he? Besides being the girl who’s crazy enough to love him, I am also his best friend—well, I think I am his best friend. He didn’t have any female friends because it’s either he already slept with them or they’re not his type.
The lunch was over and we both went our separate ways. I went to my advanced Physics class and sat down. I still had 3 classes before I can go home. I just want to go home and have a date with Netflix and watch rerun of Friends. Good thing Adam’s not in this class because I didn’t exactly want to see him right now. I knew I had no right to be pissed at him because he’s not mine… but I can’t control what I was feeling.
My stupid heart’s already loyal to Adam. No matter how much pain he inflicts, my heart wouldn’t even budge. For years, I’ve been in love with Adam. I can’t even remember not being in love with him.
But maybe this was my destiny. I’ve been a bad kid—I remember breaking my mom’s vase and blaming it on my twin brother. He got his game consoles taken away from him and he was grounded for 3 days. He was so mad at me back then but one tear from me was enough to have my mom reprimand him. But Karma’s such a b-word. I only broke a vase! I think having my heart broken over and over again was too much a payment!
When my classes ended, I went out and dialed Silas’ number.
“Where are you?” I asked him. My teacher gave an assignment due tomorrow and I’d like to get started on it as soon as possible. Usually, I hang out with Adam after class but since he’s quite busy with his lady friend, I figure that I better make productive use of my time.
“I have practice, remember?” he asked and I grunted. Why do I always forget that he’s a member of the soccer team! And why can’t my dad allow me to drive my car? I mean, what’s the use of giving me a car if he won’t give me the keys? Is that his way of subtly telling me to learn how to hotwire?
“So, what about me? I need to go home now!” I knew I sounded like a brat but Silas’ lived with me since we got fertilized so he’ll be fine.
There was noise from his end and I was thinking that maybe he’s with his famous friends again. It’s such a mystery why my twin’s in the upper side of the school’s social strata while here I was… still me. I mean, I’m practically Silas since we’re twins and everything—minus the abs, the dimples, and his man-parts. So why was I still not famous? Life’s mystery.
“Do you really need to go home? The practice will only take—”
“I. Need. To. Go. Now.” Imagining all the typing I would be doing was enough to drive me to the edge.
“Can’t your friend drive you home?” he said.
“Please. You know Adam’s preoccupied right now. And please stop with the tone, Silas. It’s getting old.”
He still can’t get over the fact that his twin sister’s got a huge crush on his friend. Seriously, I think it’s so pathetic that there’s been a drift in his friendship with Adam since he learned about the feelings I harbor for Adam. I mean, was it my fault that he has such hot friends? Did I ask to be subjected to such a temptation whenever he would invite them over? I’m just human! I gave in to the temptation. I’m weak.
He sighed. “Well, I can’t drive you but I can prolly ask someone to drive you home.”
“I don’t know. Owen, maybe?”
“Fine. I’ll be outside.”
I ended the call and started walking outside when I stopped Adam with his friend. Adam had his arm draped over her shoulder and they’re laughing like there’s no one who’s hurting from their display of affection. I should have probably get used to this by now. How many times have I seen Adam kiss another girl? How many times have I seen him be sweet to someone other than me? How many times have I gotten myself broken over the same thing over and over again?
And why was I still in love with him despite the pain he’s causing me?
I was disturbed from my thinking when Owen pulled over. He rolled the windows down and looked at me. I sighed. Maybe it’s better this way… Maybe it’s better to get my heart broken over and over again. Maybe one day, this heart would learn on its own to stop loving Adam. Because I was pretty sure I don’t control my heart anymore so I’d just let it learn the cold truth on its own.
That loving Adam is nothing far from being a masochist. It’s just hurting, hurting, and a little more hurting.
I got inside his car and sighed. I looked at Adam from his side-mirror and sighed even more. Why was I such a little masochist?
“What?” I asked Owen when he still didn’t start driving.
He looked at me. Why? Was he pitying me like everybody else? Well, there’s no need! I’ve got enough pity to last a year!
“Seatbelt,” he said.
Once I got my seatbelt on, he started driving. Good thing Owen’s not that big of a fan of small talk. I was in no mood to talk, really. I just wanted to go home and feed myself some more ice cream before I begin doing my assignment. When we got home, I sighed. Gods I’ve sighed so many times today!
“Thanks,” I told Owen. He just nodded at me, no questions asked. He’s such a gentleman that I wonder how come he’s friends with both Adam and Silas—he’s so different from them.
I walked towards the door and Owen’s still there. It’s his habit. Whenever he would drive me home, he’d wait until I get inside before he drives away. His future girlfriend would be so lucky.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I said under my breath. I twisted the knob a few more times before I finally convinced myself that the door’s locked! Great! I quickly whipped my phone from my bag and called my mom. She’s not picking. There’s no use calling dad because I was pretty sure he’s in a meeting or something. I called Silas but he’s not picking up, too, because of his soccer thing. “Ugh!” I said as I fought the urge to kick this door down.
“Hey, there a problem?” Owen shouted from his car.
I let out a huge sigh before I dragged myself back to his car. “Door’s locked.”
“Don’t you have keys?”
“Don’t you think I’ve thought about that, genius?”
“Hey, there’s no need for hostility,” he said and I immediately felt sorry for him. I was just really annoyed today and the things that were happening weren’t making it any easier. “What’s your plan?”
I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to lie on my bed and stuff my mouth with lots of ice cream until my brain freezes but I guess even those were impossible. It kinda felt like the heavens wanted me to suffer in every way imaginable. I just wanted to take a beat from all the emotional suffering!
“I just need a cup of ice cream and laptop to start my paper…” I said and sighed. Here I was thinking that this day couldn’t get any worse but heavens just proved me how wrong I was.
I was still busy in wallowing in self-pity when Owen revved his car back to life. “Seatbelt.” I had nothing better to do. I didn’t want to go back to school and risk seeing Adam again. So what the heck.
Owen drove and I didn’t even ask a damn thing. I usually talk a lot and complain a lot but right now, I just felt so drained. Knowing that I’d be seeing Adam tomorrow and see how he’s so sweet with his latest lady friend would just depress me so I was just taking a bit of rest.
When he pulled over, I was surprised when he brought me to an ice cream parlor.
“What?” he asked me when I was looking at him like he’s grown an extra head or something. “Come on. I want some ice cream, too,” he said and then he got off his car and started walking towards the parlor. I got off, too, though I still couldn’t get my head around the idea that I’d be eating ice cream with Owen. I mean, I’d known the guy for 3 years but this, so far, was the closest thing to actually bonding. He just usually drives me home.
“I’ll have strawberry,” Owen said. He saw me giving him strange look. “What? A guy can’t like strawberry?”
“You’re weird,” I said.
I shook my head and ordered a serving of banana split. I was about to pay when I learned that Owen already settled the bill. Nice guy, that one. As I sat down, I saw a laptop.
“What?” he said when he caught me staring at him. “You need a laptop, right?” I nodded. “There it is.”
He just nodded at me and then began doing something with his phone. He’s just… I can’t understand him. I’ve been around him for quite long, too, but still, I can’t get how Owen operates. Or maybe it was because I don’t usually pay him any attention. Whenever he’s around, my sole focus is all on Adam.
But now that he’s here, I realized that he’s indeed weird.
“Staring is rude.”
“Sorry. I just find you weird.”
“I mean, we don’t really talk and all that and it’s perfectly fine with me… but now you’re so nice. You treat me with an ice cream and even let me borrow your laptop. I just don’t get it,” I said. If there’s one thing that I like about myself, it’s that I shoot arrows point blank—except for my feelings for Adam, my exception amongst all things.
“Is it bad to be nice?” he shot back.
“No,” I replied. “It’s just weird…”
He shrugged. “I just want to make things easier for you,” he said before he put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth. My brows furrowed. What did he mean with that?
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
He looked at me like he’s thinking if he’s going to tell me what he wants to tell me. I’ve got a feeling about what it was. I didn’t want to hear it but I felt the need to. Maybe a huge slap on the face with reality was the key.
“It’s none of my business,” he said.
I grunted. “Just tell it!”
And then there’s that stare again. “Adam doesn’t like you like the way you like him, Spencer. You’ve got to stop it.”